Anger Gets a Bad Rap

Anger gets a bad rap 🤯. 

Don’t get me wrong. Many of us have been on the wrong side of anger, misused and abused. We were rightly afraid of anger, especially when we encountered it in others but also when it cropped up in ourselves. Since anger hurt us when we were little, we may surmise, we want to stay as far away from it today as we can.  

Stuffing It or Acting Out

I stuffed my anger right from the very start. In my family, it was dangerous to get angry, so I learned to be a “good girl” who never stepped out of line. You may have experienced this too. Or maybe you went in the other direction and acted out, rebelled, and used your anger to get back at anyone or anything that stood in your way. Whether we tiptoed around anger or embraced it with a vengeance, we were giving anger a bad rap. 

Just an Emotion

Anger is just an emotion that alerts us that someone or something has crossed one of our boundaries. When managed effectively, anger sounds the danger alarm that is meant to lead us to safety. Anger isn’t innately bad, although how anger is used can be hurtful and abusive. It’s our job to get to know our anger, understand where it comes from and who it’s directed toward, and act accordingly.

Scary or Helpful or Both?

When I first met Mike, my teenager who carried the anger, it was pretty scary. He was pretty scary! It was confusing to have all this pent-up rage bouncing around inside me. With the help of my therapist, I got to know my anger. That’s easier for us, as multiples, than it is for singlets because many of us have anger located in one or more specific alters. So, we really are “getting to know” them!

I listened to Mike, and he listened to me. I let him express his anger in my journal, in therapy, and in other safe venues. I coached him not to take his anger out on other people indiscriminately. I learned that he cared about my system, and taught him (or maybe he taught me) how to use anger strategically in positive ways. I discovered his anger was the force that moved me forward in a complicated healing journey. Eventually, Mike’s anger wasn’t just his. It was mine too. Together, and with other alters in my system, we learned to embrace anger in healthy and positive ways.

Self Care

Don’t be afraid of your anger. Get to know it. Understand where it comes from and who it’s really directed toward. For instance, your anger may be meant for an early caregiver who hurt you many years ago, but you’re directing it toward your loved one today who is left speechless by your outburst. Sound familiar? 😊

Let your anger be your friend. Respect that there’s a reason for it. Don’t give it a bad rapt. The more you get to know your anger, the less it will control you. More on how to manage anger in future posts.

Invitation

Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download the free ebook called DID Unpacked. You can also sign up for notification of the release of my memoir, Crazy: In Search of a Narrative and learn more about writing opportunities.

What questions do you have about DID? Any topics you’d like me to cover? I’ll look forward to hearing from you! 

Be angry but do not sin.

Ephesians 4:26

Lyn

P.S. I just learned how to enable comments on this blog, so each past, present, and future post will have comments enabled. I’d love to hear from you!