DID Systems
I was laying in bed early one summer morning, sleeping lightly before the light had dawned, before awareness crept in. A dream message made its way to my half-conscious mind, bringing me fully awake with a start.
“You have a twin sister, but they gave her away, and she is me, and her name is Rosie.”
Boom. I woke up. I have a twin sister? No, I don’t. They gave her away? There’s no one to give away but me. She is me? Well, that answers that question. Her name is Rosie? Does this mean I’m Rosie?
Meet Rosie the Pig who became a stand-in for my alter Rosie. She traveled with me everywhere, even professional conferences!
Meeting My First Alter
I reached for the journal on my side table and wrote the message down. I didn’t know what it meant but it was the first inkling I had that there was more of me.
Learning I Had a System
Rosie, I would learn, was a two- or three-year-old child who was the center of my “system,” the term used to describe our full array of alters and how they work (or don’t work) together. The other alters in my system had roles that, in some way, protected Rosie. When I began to diagram my system, I realized they formed a ring around Rosie. “So that’s why I loved that childhood nursery rhyme,” I thought. It was one of my few memories of childhood.
Ring around the Rosie, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down!
Clearly, the name of my system had already been chosen: The Ring Around Rosie.
A System Full of Alters
Each of us with DID and DDNOS have systems of parts that make up our whole selves. We have many stories to tell about how our individual alters introduced themselves to our conscious minds. Part of healing is learning about our alters and their purpose in our system.
Systems may have as few as two alters or as many as hundreds. Some systems may give their alters names, some may not. Alters in a system may carry roles such as: little (small child), gatekeeper (regulates who can front), host (the part that is out front most often, may be a “core” personality prior to split), protector (although all alters protect, a protector takes that role as primary), persecutor (seemingly destructive but often a misguided protector). Some alters may be animals, spiritual beings, or fictional characters.
All Systems Are Different
Every system is different. Your system may or may not emulate the description I’ve given above. Ultimately, no matter their role, their name, or the age they claim, all our alters are hurt children. As tiny people, our minds found a sophisticated way of organizing to survive in the face of horrific, chronic abuse.
Self-Care
Think about how you learned your first alter existed, or your third, or your tenth. Spend some time remembering that introduction. Have you written about it? If not, take some time to write that story. What was your reaction? How did you feel? Are you still the person who was hosting when that alter was revealed, or is another part of you hosting? How does that alter fit in your total system?
Revisiting the story of each alter affirms their existence and helps to heal the wounds they carry. Thank him or her for being a part of you, for their role in protecting you, even if the alter you’re writing about is a persecutor or otherwise difficult to manage,
Remind this alter that you are an adult now and you are safe, even when you don’t feel safe.
Invitation
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download my free ebook called DID Unpacked. You can also sign up for notification of the release of my memoir, Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory (formerly titled Crazy? A Memoir and Crazy: In Search of a Narrative). Our new Dissociative Writers website is filled with writing opportunities to explore.
If you’d like, share the name of your system or the story of one of your alters in the Comments below!
For the body does not consist of one member, but of many.
1 Corinthians 12:14