Hidden Memories
Where are the memories?
I’m busily preparing for a virtual talk I’m giving at An Infinite Mind “Healing Together” conference next weekend on January 30 & 31, 2021. An Infinite Mind is a non-profit “dedicated to improving the lives of survivors with trauma-based dissociation with a primary focus on Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).” The agenda looks absolutely exciting!
My talk is drawn from my memoir, Crazy: In Search of a Narrative, and will focus on what I call “persistently hidden memories.” Many dissociative survivors, myself included, have very dim memories of abuse. Instead, we are wracked with bodily memories, emotional overload, physical symptoms, and triggering events, not to mention inner voices that capture these symptoms. In all, these sensations are called implicit memories and they often lack any story or narrative to explain the sensations. Without clear, explicit memories that provide an explanation for the chaotic feelings, the survivor can feel crazy later in life. They may ask, “What happened to me to make my mind and emotions so out of sync, to make me doubt my own identity, to feel despair and even suicidal ideation?”
To prepare for my talk, I’ve been researching traumatic memory and how the brain works when trauma occurs. When an event happens, the stimulus goes immediately to the back brain where the amygdala acts like a fire alarm. If the amygdala senses safety, it sends the stimulus to the front brain where stories and narratives are stored. If it senses danger, the stimulus goes directly into the body to initiate a fight, flight, or freeze response. If the stimulus is a serious and repetitive trauma, the amygdala continually sends the stimulus into the body in a trauma loop, totally bypassing the rational front brain.
This is why many people with DID have few explicit memories of trauma. Instead, they are tormented by fragments, snippets, body pain, and emotions disconnected with real circumstances in the present.
If you experience hidden or implicit memories, never fear. By working with what you know, stabilizing emotions, exploring triggers, healing dysfunctional relationship patterns, and encouraging alters to speak and cooperate, you can heal your wounds and live a healthy, happy life. I promise!
The go-to volume on traumatic memory is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, psychiatrist, author, researcher, and educator. A good resource for understanding traumatic memory and parts is Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher, psychotherapist, consultant, trainer.
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com and get my free ebook called DID Unpacked.
What questions do you have about DID? Any topics you’d like me to cover? I’m not an expert on everything, but I’ll share what I know. I look forward to hearing from you!
I sought the Lord, and he answered me,
and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34: 4