Transforming Traumatic Thanksgivings
For many years, I experienced Thanksgiving as a very hard holiday. I never explored the early childhood roots of that difficulty. Instead, I coped with my spiraling life in the present until I couldn’t cope anymore.
My Losses
I lost my fantasy family and, in its place, I had a rage-filled ex-husband and four children who were acting out and falling apart.
I lost my sense of self and, in its place, my inner world was chaotic, filled with conflicting voices, fear, shame, and doom.
I lost any sense of normalcy and, in its place, my entire existence seemed abnormal, off-the-charts, and worthless.
My Life
One Thanksgiving, when I couldn’t cope anymore, I tried to take my life. Fortunately, the part who wanted to die stepped aside so a part who wanted to live could take over. I called a friend who took me to the hospital where I was stabilized before I was released. I guess I was just stubborn enough to be upset that I FAILED AT THAT TOO. I decided then and there that if I was going to live, then I was going to heal, doggone it. I didn’t know how but, somehow, I was going to solve this vast, decompensating puzzle that was my life.
My Work
I found my lifeline, my therapist, who walked into the darkness with me.
I got to know my alters and learned how to love them.
I worked on shame, fear, and trust issues.
I began to experience my raw emotions in therapy, then all my emotions in real life — I even learned how to express them with other people appropriately.
I learned how to trust people who deserved my trust and set boundaries for people who were not trustworthy.
I rebuilt my relationships with my children who suffered during my decompensation.
I slowly, ever so slowly, grew in self-confidence and self-reliance.
I erased the old tapes and replace them with new affirmations.
I made friends and wasn’t afraid of them.
I discovered who I was and usually liked myself — sometimes I even loved myself!
I became one whole person whose alters were mostly integrated but never fully gone because that’s the way my brain was formed when I was a little girl.
My Gratitude
Even though I never learned the roots of my unhappy Thanksgivings, whatever they may be, they’ve been healed through all the work that early childhood trauma requires of all of us. Today I am grateful for almost everything. For all the gifts I’ve been given but even for the challenges that still crop up and help me grow. For internal unity even when I’m not always united. For family even though its not perfect — because it’s family, after all. For accomplishments even when I sometimes fail. For love, always love, even though it sometimes fails too. For life itself, the greatest gift of all. For breath, because that’s what’s kept me alive. All the goodness, all the challenges, all my family, all my love, all my life, and every breath.
I’m grateful that you’re alive too, even if your life’s not perfect, because it’s your life, and it’s a gift.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank You for Your Support!
The Core Team of Dissociative Writers is grateful for the generosity of so many people who have given to DW Writes On!, a one-time-only fundraising initiative to raise funds for legal fees to become a nonprofit organization. Becoming a nonprofit will sustain this space, now and in the future. So far, we’ve raised almost $2,663 — over two-thirds of the way to our goal of $4,000! In this season of giving, will you consider a gift to DW Writes On!? Every gift, no matter the size, counts. Show your thanksgiving by clicking here. Thank you!
Focus Group
On Wednesday, November 29th, at 2 pm Eastern, I’ll be hosting a focus group on “creating a new language” when talking about healing and forgiving. As many of you know, I’m writing a book entitled It’s Not About Forgiving, It’s About Healing. I’ve learned that many of us use different words to describe similar things. I’d like your input as I begin the ending of the book and am especially looking for people who have no interest in forgiving their perpetrators and people who would like to forgive but aren’t there yet. Please join me as we talk about this “new language”! If you have questions, email me at lyn@lynbarrett.com.
Thank you to the DW Core Team for giving me permission to hold this group! ~ Lyn
November & December Events
Tuesday, November 21, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Thanksgiving Holiday 🦃
(No workshop on Wednesday Evening, November 22.)
Tuesday, November 28, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Wednesday, November 29, 2 pm Eastern: Focus Group
Tuesday, December 5, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Monday, December 11, 6:30 pm Eastern: DW Business Meeting
Tuesday, December 12, 1 pm, Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Wednesday, December 13, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, December 19, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Wednesday, December 20, 2 pm Eastern: Social Hangout
Wednesday, December 20, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, December 26, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
🕊️
For me, every hour is grace.
And I feel gratitude in my heart each time I can meet someone and look at his or her smile.
~ Elie Wiesel (Holocaust Survivor)