Shame, Myth, & Me
Foreword: I’m delighted to welcome back gabby Sacks as guest blogger. Gabby is an active member of the Dissociative Writers community and plans to present a talk on the topic of shame at the 2024 Healing Together Conference. She uses psycho-structures to embody her healing work; some examples related to grief are shown below. This post is one of occasional posts by subscribers to DW who describe what it’s like to have DID. ~ Lyn
Guest Blogger, Gabriell Sacks
I am a frustrating/difficult/resistant patient. I’ve been told this by seven different therapists over the decades, and it’s caused me much shame. But my current therapist recently told me, “That it is nothing but a myth.”
I’ve struggled with this shame before, like: I didn’t fail therapy; my therapists failed me. Still, though, I held onto the “fact” that I was always super-hard to work with. I barely talk! How do you do “talking-therapy” with someone who doesn’t talk?!
Somehow, Joan found a way in. This reminded me of my long-ago camp counselor, Darlene, who once said to me, “I see you.” That’s all it took to make it possible for me to start talking. Being seen unlocked something inside me. Darlene saw me; I didn’t shut up all summer. Joan sees me; I can talk.
“You are very lovable. I mean that,” Joan said to me. That’s probably the nicest thing a therapist, heck, anyone, has ever said to me. That simple statement, which brought up a host of complex emotions, was like a sledge-hammer to the shame of I-am-a-frustrating-difficult-resistant-patient.
I am a difficult patient, that is who I am, only … it’s not. I am inherently bad and unlovable, only … I’m not.
I’ve had a tough go of it, that’s true. My recovery journey in numbers …
100+ scars
35 years of therapy
23 hospitalizations
20+ medications
11 ECT treatments
7 unhelpful therapists
4 weeks in restraints
3 suicide attempts
2 car crashes
2 misdiagnoses
1 gun
1 DID diagnosis
1 Joan
All it took was one correct diagnosis, one therapist who really sees me and cares about me, and a lot of hard work to start to tear down the shame of I am a frustrating/difficult/resistant patient.
It was just a myth. It’s been a myth all along.
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DW Demythologizes Lies
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Focus Group This Wednesday!
On Wednesday, November 29th, at 2 pm Eastern, I’ll be hosting a focus group on “creating a new language” when talking about healing and forgiving. As many of you know, I’m writing a book entitled It’s Not About Forgiving, It’s About Healing. I’ve learned that many of us use different words to describe similar things. I’d like your input as I begin the ending of the book and am especially looking for people who have no interest in forgiving their perpetrators and people who would like to forgive but aren’t there yet. Please join me as we talk about this “new language”! by going to the Groupeasy Calendar, date, Focus Group, and click on the link. See you there! If you have questions, email me at lyn@lynbarrett.com. Thank you to the DW Core Team for giving me permission to hold this group! ~ Lyn
November & December Events
Tuesday, November 28, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Wednesday, November 29, 2 pm Eastern: Focus Group
Tuesday, December 5, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Monday, December 11, 6:30 pm Eastern: DW Business Meeting
Tuesday, December 12, 1 pm, Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Wednesday, December 13, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, December 19, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Wednesday, December 20, 2 pm Eastern: Social Hangout
Wednesday, December 20, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, December 26, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
🕊️
Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen.
It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.
~ Brene Brown