Understanding Traumatic Memory, part 2
Even after ten years of in depth therapy, twenty more years of learning how to live in the real world, and a lifetime of integrating what I’ve learned into my unified whole, I still get triggered. Often my triggers are set off by issues that question my husband’s faithfulness and are rooted in the deep betrayal I experienced over and over and over again many decades ago.
Triggers Try to Make Me Safe
I remind myself that these triggers are memories that my body has stored in order to prepare me for the next betrayal, so my fight, flight or freeze response will kick in, and I will be safe.
Only my husband is a good and faithful man, I’m an adult able to take care of myself, and this is now, not then. My body hasn’t figured that out yet but, luckily, I have.
Frozen Memories
Last week, I talked about triggers as traumatic memory and how the brain stores these memories in our bodies where they remain frozen until an innocuous event or reminder propels us into the past with sensory responses, overwhelming feelings, and behavior not commensurate with the trigger at all. To add insult to injury, the sensory memory refreezes after the trigger is over, ready to knock us off course again when another trigger propels us into the past. It’s a never ending journey, or so it seems.
Ingenious Attempts to Regulate
Some of us turn to self-destructive behaviors to cope with the pain of traumatic memory. Janina Fisher, whom I referenced last week, and who is author of Transforming the Living Legacy of Trauma, says, “Few trauma survivors realize that their self-destructive behaviors represent an ingenious attempt to regulate their nervous systems and their unbearable physical and emotional reactions.” Still, our task is to transition our responses from self-destructive to life-enhancing.
Distractions from the Trigger
When we feel a trigger coming on, sometimes our best defense is to find something pleasurable to do to distract us from the pain. For each of us, that might be something different. Taking a walk, reading a book, playing with a pet, writing a poem. Even curling up in the bed and taking a nap can be effective in helping us cope. My best grounding techniques was to “go back out there” in my work environment and discover I was capable in the present and no longer in the past. The most effective strategies remind us we’re here, now, not there, then. Triggers, or traumatic memories, have a life of their own and recede on their own timing. Our best bet is to find a way to roll with it.
Knowledge is Power
Fisher also notes that it’s an important part of healing for survivors to understand that a trigger is a traumatic memory, that the brain functions in a specific way in the face of trauma, that knowledge is power, and that the more we know about why we are experiencing what we’re experiencing, the more we can influence our response.
It Only Hurts for a Little While
Depending on where you are in your healing journey, you might be surprised to know that some of us who have been around the block a few times are somewhat blasé about our triggers. Yes, they hurt. Yes, they set us back a few hours or days. Yes, I can tell you the global reason for the trigger but no, I can’t tell you the specific historical event it’s related to. There was a time when triggers sent me into cataclysmic pain and spirals of fear, doom, or rage but now triggers just hurt, and only for a little while.
More Love
In the moment, my husband is betraying me in my traumatic memory. In real life, he is faithful and kind and (usually) patient. Feeling shame or judging myself for the memories that someone else created are not helpful. Loving myself in spite of my triggers is the antidote. The more love that’s deposited into my cognitive brain, the less power my limbic system has to throw me off course. Life gets easier with practice and better with love. Love yourself ❤️.
August Workshops
Tuesday, August 22, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, August 29, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Wednesday, August 30, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place Lite
There’s Still Time … !
There’s still time! Submit your writing by September 16! Our third annual Creative Healing Anthology is open to all subscribers to DW. All writing and art may be submitted, along with the Guidelines and Agreement to Publish (found at Groupeasy/Documents/Anthology 2024), between July 1 and September 16 by clicking here. Anticipated self-publication date is January 16, 2024. The digital anthology will be available for free on the Dissociative Writers website. For more information, click here.
Becoming a Nonprofit 501(c)3!
Dissociative Writer’s core team has been exploring the idea of becoming a nonprofit for the past year. Recently, we came to consensus to move forward in that direction. Expect to hear more about this sustaining initiative that will allow dissociative writers to continue to gather and share their writing long into the future and how YOU can help!
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Life gets easier with practice and better with love. Love yourself.
~ Lyn Barrett
Lyn