Understanding Traumatic Memory
Triggers
The first isolated trigger I remember was camp counseling at a YMCA day camp with my soon-to-be-husband during the summer college break. He was flirting with another female counselor so it was appropriate for me to be mildly upset. Not so much to panic, run away, and catch a train from Philadelphia to New York City where I hunkered down with my sister for 48 hours before returning home. I honestly didn’t know what came over me but the urge to escape was undeniable.
Before that, as an adolescent, I had a constant fear of cute boys who attracted me. When I tried to talk with them, my lips literally trembled so I couldn’t hide my nervousness. All young girls get the jitters around boys but my jitters were so debilitating that I had no social life. My mind froze as I stood there petrified of a shy, freckled-face boy. This was an ongoing trigger that, over time, morphed into frozen fear and trembling lips around authority.
Since then, of course, I’ve had a million triggers to wrestle with and take to the ground. I’ve learned to identify my triggers by the intensity of my emotional response — if it’s way out of proportion to the inciting incident, then I know it’s a trigger. It always feels awful but now I know that it will only last for a little while and I can use grounding strategies to help me cope.
Triggers Are Memories
It’s only recently that I’ve realized my triggers are actually memories. Visceral, emotional, traumatic memories that are stored in my body and awakened by some innocent slight or significant misstep.
I’ve been reading Janina Fisher’s Transforming the Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists. Janina is very clear that triggers often have “no event or picture to which we can connect these nonverbal memories. Decades of research on the effects of trauma confirm that overwhelming experiences are less likely to be recalled in a clear, coherent narrative or a series of pictures that we can describe… Rather, trauma is more likely to be remembered in the form of sensory elements without words — emotions, body sensations, changes in breathing or heart rate, tensing, bracing, collapsing, or just feeling overwhelmed.”
Trauma is the Cause
The sensory memories reactivated by triggers are stored in our bodies by our back brains (limbic system and brain stem) through an exquisite system that was designed to protect us. When an event occurs, the limbic system (amygdala) is the gatekeeper. If the event is safe, the awareness/memory goes to the front brain (our thinking brain) which we remember as a narrative or story. If the event is not safe, the awareness/memory bypasses the front brain and goes immediately into the body for a fight, flight or freeze response. Instead of having narrative memories, our memories are mostly body memories, sensations, fragments, and emotions.
Today, any number of innocuous events can unconsciously remind us of the original danger. These events are triggers and the resulting emotional overload are traumatic memories.
Our Brains Are Doing Their Jobs
It’s helpful to remember that these painful, annoying interruptions to our every day living are actually life saving responses! Even if we can’t remember exactly what happened in the past, we can know in the present that we are safe in spite of the pain, that we are no longer in the past in spite of the overwhelming feelings, that we are adults capable of taking care of ourselves in spite of the inner feelings of chaos. Our brains were doing exactly what they were supposed to do in the past by alerting us to the danger we faced. Our task in the present is to get to know our triggers, roll with them, ground ourselves in reality, and know they are temporary. They don’t last forever. They’ll be over soon. You’re okay. I’m okay. When it’s all over, we can say thank you to our brains for doing their job!
DW Business Meeting Monday August 14
It’s that time of the month again! DW Business meeting is Monday, August 14, at 6:30 pm Eastern (5:30 Central, 4:30 Mountain, 3:30 Pacific). Our meetings usually last an hour and are focused on how to serve you better. Everyone is more than welcome to attend and bring their ideas, gifts, and concerns. Go to our calendar and click on the date for the link. See you there!
DW Social Hangout Wednesday August 16
Are you lonely and in need of some good friends and fun? Come to our Social Hangout with JJ this Wednesday at 2 pm Eastern (1 Central, 12 Mountain, 11 Pacific). Come ready to share, laugh, cry, and be real! Go to our calendar and click on the date for the link. See you there!
August Workshops
Tuesday, August 15, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Wednesday, August 16, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place Lite
Tuesday, August 22, 1 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place
Tuesday, August 29, 1 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop
Wednesday, August 30, 8 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place Lite
2024 DW Anthology Call for Submissions!
Dissociative Writers is gearing up for our third annual Creative Healing Anthology, open to all subscribers to DW. All writing and art may be submitted, along with the Guidelines and Agreement to Publish (found at Groupeasy/Documents/Anthology 2024), between July 1 and September 16 by clicking here. Anticipated self-publication date is January 16, 2024. The digital anthology will be available for free on the Dissociative Writers website. For more information, click here.
NEWS FLASH: Prose word count limitations have exploded! We now accept submissions up to 1,000 words (old limit was 500). So get out your journal and start counting!
Becoming a Nonprofit 501(c)3!
Dissociative Writer’s core team has been exploring the idea of becoming a nonprofit for the past year. Recently, we came to consensus to move forward in that direction. Expect to hear more about this sustaining initiative that will allow dissociative writers to continue to gather and share their writing long into the future and how YOU can help!
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Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.
~ Peter A. Levine
Lyn