5 Benefits of Aging for Adults with DID
Foreword: I am delighted to welcome Cathy Collyer back with another provocative blog post. Cathy is an occupational therapist who is an active participant in our Dissociative Writers Workshop. She is the author of Staying in the Room: Managing Medical and Dental Appointments When You Have DID, available on Amazon.com. Her previous blog post on July 8th, 2022, was entitled “Six Easy Ways To Support Your Child Parts In Healthcare Appointments”. See Cathy’s Brief Bio below. ~ Lyn
Guest Blog by Cathy Collyer
Our society’s focus on youth can cause adults with DID to dread getting older. The distorted thinking that severe childhood trauma breeds, such as catastrophizing and all-or-none thinking, makes it harder to see the benefits of aging. The fact is there ARE benefits in getting older with DID. As we age, being able to see the silver linings in every life stage is more than a good mental health practice. It is a way to triumph over our traumatic past.
There are five benefits to getting older when you have DID:
Having a shorter timeline can sharpen our focus on healing. It can be easier to prioritize what is important in life, and we become a bigger priority in our own lives.
Our abusers are often no longer alive, or they have less practical impact on our current lives. This can enhance our sense of safety. We feel safe enough to fully grow into our adult identities.
The competing time/financial demands of work and family can yield to the work of self-care and psychological healing. We give ourselves the gift of time to grow and truly thrive.
We can harvest the benefits of our hard-earned wisdom gleaned from therapy and lived experience. Understanding our system and our needs adds powerful energy we can use for healing and enjoying life.
Our support system can be layered and strong; our chosen family surrounds us now.
Are there still things to address as we age? Of course.
We can lose some of the people in our treasured support system to age and illness. This could include our therapists and our life partners. Developing physical injuries and illnesses could produce physical pain and trigger dissociation. Being physically or psychologically vulnerable is something we may not have experienced since childhood. Not every adult with DID has sufficient financial security or stable housing. Finally, some of our abusers demand our care as they become older or dependent on us.
It becomes essential to orient to the reality of being capable adults in the present time, not vulnerable children. The stabilization techniques we learn in trauma-focused therapy can assist us to orient to the present psychologically as well as physically. This makes us feel less vulnerable when receiving medical and dental care for the issues that could crop up with aging. We need to keep developing our chosen family and expressing gratitude to the people that love and support us. This doesn’t need to take a great deal of time, but it can pay large returns. Showing gratitude to others is an action that enriches both the receiver and the giver.
Being open to the effective trauma treatment approaches developed in the last 10-15 years can transform our recovery. EMDR for DID, and CBT/ DBT for DID were not available 20-30 years ago. If we haven’t explored their benefits, it might be time to do so now. Being older, we know more about what we are looking for in a new therapist, and how to ask for what we want or need. We may even become mentors to younger adults with DID.
Aging with Grace
Dr. Laura Brown wrote a book for abuse survivors who are dealing with aging perpetrators. “Your Turn for Care” isn’t written specifically for adults with DID, but it is an excellent book on the subject that doesn’t minimize the stress and pain you could face in this situation. It offers support and strategies for continuing, and even expanding, the process of healing as a trauma survivor while participating in a perpetrator’s care.
Instead of dreading getting older when you have DID, remembering that there are benefits to aging might transform your perspective. There are cultures in which elders are revered for their wisdom or simply their ability to survive. We have survived trauma AND navigated through life with DID!
Self-Care
When you look in the mirror, who do you see? A middle age woman finding her way through a maze? A young, virile man ready to fight off intruders? A small child hiding behind a coat rack? A wise crone who knows more about herself than most people could imagine?
One advantage of being multiple is that, under the right circumstances, we are all of these at once. As our amnesic barriers lower, we come to know the world through all our eyes. As such, growing older is a familiar experience for those of us who are old and young simultaneously. There’s no reason to fear aging. It’s already a part of who we are. Breathe in your wisdom. Celebrate who you are at every stage of your life. ~ Lyn
Cathy’s Brief Bio
Cathy Collyer, OTR, LMT, CAPS is an occupational therapist in private practice in the NY metropolitan area. She is the author of Staying In The Room: Managing Medical and Dental Care When You Have DID. She has treated adults and children in a variety of settings, including hospitals and outpatient clinics. One of her clinical interests is treating clients with a history of trauma. She uses sensory-based treatments, including therapeutic listening programs and the Astronaut Protocol. Cathy is also a licensed massage therapist. She has written and lectured on DID, sensory processing treatment, massage, and pediatric behavioral issues.
New Information About Demystifying D.I.D
If you are interested in attending Jane Tambree’s seminar but don’t have Zelle or can’t afford the $30 registration fee, Jane has offered free registration by going back into her link. Please take advantage of her generosity and register for this event and/or invite your therapist or medical practitioners to attend. Click here to go to the registration page.
Social Hangout
Great news! Many of you enjoy the breakout groups in our writers workshops because you get to know each other better. Now you will have the opportunity — once a month — to “hang out” with each other with little planned agenda to get in your way. Thank you to JJ who suggested this opportunity and has agreed to facilitate it every month on the third Wednesday, beginning on July 20th, from 3 pm to 4 pm Eastern. Look for more information in the future. Every subscriber to Dissociative Writers will be welcome to attend as often as you like. JJ has some fun ideas for getting to know each other, so try it — you might like it!
Dissociative Writers Subscription ~ Coming Soon!
Dissociative Writers is excited to announce that on or around June 1, 2022, we will begin a subscription service for writers who want to participate in workshops, discussions, anthologies, conference workshops, and even social hangouts! In order to meet the needs of the many writers who are joining our ranks, we will charge a nominal fee in order to employ an administrative assistant to manage clerical work. The cost of a subscription will be $10 a month (may be cancelled at any time) or $100 a year (may be cancelled at the end of the first year). Those who wish to donate additional funds to support Dissociative Writers may do so. Full scholarships are available, no questions asked, to those who request them on the subscription form. Look for more information on our website toward the end of May.
You will have June, July, and August to decide if you want to become a subscriber. We hope you will — there are so many benefits to supporting DW!
o Subscribers may attend as many workshops a month as they wish,
o May attend DW monthly meetings,
o May participate in periodic anthologies DW may undertake,
o Will receive a discount on DW Beginners Memoir Class,
o May receive other support from DW as needed, and
o Will receive satisfaction in knowing they are supporting Dissociative Writers in their creative and healing processes.
Don't forget. No one should stay away for lack of finances. Full scholarships are available, no questions asked. Scholarship recipient names are confidential.
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Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!
Ingrid Bergman