Goodbye
Art Credit: Warmth Painting by Marina Popska
I said goodbye to Sonia last week. This wasn’t the first time I’ve said goodbye to her, but it may be the last.
Sonia was and is my therapist. In my memoir, Crazy, I wrote that she “helped me give birth to myself.” She descended into the depths with me and held my hand metaphorically. She believed me when I didn’t believe myself and welcomed all my parts, even the difficult ones who, under her tutelage, seemed to morph into hurt children who responded to warmth, compassion, and love. Sonia affirmed and supported me in so many ways but she also called me out when I was off track. So I trusted her. I believed her. Her grace was conditional on my finding my own truth.
I first said goodbye to Sonia in 2001 after ten years of therapy. I was leaving town and going off to seminary but, more important, I was stable and functional and ready to face the world. In the past, I had very few friends because, I thought, people hurt. When that happened, I would wait to respond until after I had processed the hurt with Sonia. I didn’t trust myself. I was afraid my trigger would color my perception and, even more, my response. It was a very cumbersome internal process. By 2001, though, I had enough confidence in myself to figure out an appropriate way to navigate almost any relationship challenge. What a triumph, to respond to other people in the moment!
Well, maybe. It was an uphill climb but, over the next twenty years, I managed pretty well. I found friends. I had a social life. I married a wonderful man who, tragically, died a year later. I kept on keeping on. I found a few therapists to help me here and there but none who took Sonia’s place. I met another wonderful man and married him seven years ago. I moved several times and made more friends with each move. Intimacy produces triggers by its very nature, but I managed to work through them. My life was and is full, and I’m happy. I did this all without Sonia!
Then came my memoir, Crazy. Prior to publication, I had reengaged Sonia long distance to help me understand traumatic memory. It had always puzzled me why I had every DID symptom in the book except narrative memory. After publication, a beloved family member’s reaction sent my system into a tailspin. Conveniently, Sonia and I were already reconnected, and I went back to weekly online sessions as we descended into the depths again. I met new alters and reacquainted myself with some of my old-timers. This time, though, I encountered narrative memory that coincided with the emotional memory of the past. Not nice, but how fascinating. It took 30 years for my body and mind to connect the two together!
Now, my system says “enough.” I don’t want to go back there anymore. I love you Sonia, but our work together is done. You always resisted saying that you love me (professional boundaries, or something like that), but I felt it. In the warmth of your professional love, I found myself, healed my wounds, and learned to live. We’re both getting on in years, and it’s amazing that we’re still connected. You will always be my mother-figure, my rock, my wisdom. It’s time to say goodbye, though, with an ambiguous hug. I hope it’s the last time because it means that I won’t fall apart again, but who knows? Regardless, I will miss you. Always. Goodbye for now.
Fall Memoir Class 101 Signups
6-Week Class for Dissociative Writers
October 7, 14, 21 and November 4, 11, 18, 2024
3:00 – 5:00 pm ET
If you’ve been thinking about writing your memoir, this class is for you! This year, DW’s Beginners Memoir Class 101 will begin in October and run through November with a week break at the end of October, giving participants more time to work on memoir structure. Our classes are two hours long, once a week, for six weeks. The first hour is devoted to content and the second hour to sharing writing and feedback. We have a maximum class size of eight and a minimum class size of four; each participant will get to share their writing twice during the course of the class. For more information, go to the Dissociative Writers webpage and scroll to mid-page, or email Lyn with questions.
Focused Writing Group Begins!
Our new Focused Writing Group has held two weekly two-hour sessions with an average of ten people in each session. Everyone there brings their own writing to work on and accomplishes lots in the presence of other writers. If you need to schedule writing into your life, try Mondays at 12 noon Eastern!
April Events
(To access these workshops and meetings, please go to the Groupeasy Calendar, click on the Event/Date, then click on the Zoom link.)
Tuesday, April 9, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Writing Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, April 15, 12:00 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, April 16, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, April 17, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
Thursday, April 18, 6:00 pm Eastern: Social Hangout (JJ)
Monday, April 22, 12:00 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, April 23, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Writing Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, April 29, 12:00 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, April 30, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
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Don’t ever tell anyone anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.
~ J.D. Salinger