Safe Spaces
A lagoon on Lake Champlain is a place that enriches my soul. I kayak here by myself or with my husband. ~ Lyn Barrett
A safe space is somewhere we go to feel safe when we can’t be safe.
Childhood Safe Spaces
When I was very young, I made safe spaces in my mind while I was being abused in the family tool shed. I created imaginary nooks and crannies all over the dirty basement ceiling to escape what was happening. Hidden away in those crusty corners, I was able to believe I was safe in the middle of very unsafe circumstances.
Safe Spaces in Adulthood
As an adult, my first task was to make sure I was actually safe, both emotionally and physically. I needed to take responsibility to remove myself from situations that were dangerous for any aspect of my well-being. Then, I looked for new safe spaces in my environment that would offer me protection when I felt unsafe.
I found safety sitting alone in Quaker meeting where worship was an hour of silent meditation. I wasn’t in danger but my alters weren’t yet convinced of that. I could suspend myself in the silence, the perfect orientation for dissociated parts. Working in the garden I had planted outside my first-floor apartment was also a safe space. Sitting in the hot sun and writing in my journal were safe spaces too. Ultimately, my weekly sessions with my therapist became a very safe space for all of me to tell my story.
Places that Enrich Your Soul
Now that I’m older (I’ll be 74 this July!) and integrated, I need fewer safe spaces. Instead, I look for places that enrich my soul. Alone in my garden. Kayaking with my husband on Lake Champlain. Curled up in my living room reading a book. Sitting in front of my computer writing a blog. My parts trust me now and believe I will keep them safe no matter what.
Getting to that point, though, took decades. The movement from childhood safe spaces, to adult safe spaces, to places that enrich my soul is the whole point of healing. We all deserve to be and feel safe.
Self-Care
Where were your safe spaces when you were little? Where are they now that you are older and no longer in actual jeopardy? Do you still visit your childhood safe spaces now and then? While you may be ready to leave them behind, your alters may still consider them crucial to survival.
Honor your childhood safe spaces. Allow your alters to stay there if they need to. In the meantime, start creating adult safe spaces and places that enrich your soul. When your insiders are ready, they will have real places to spend time in that are beautiful, physical, and safe.
Invitation
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download my free ebook called DID Unpacked. You can also sign up for notification of the release of my memoir, Crazy? A Memoir (formerly titled Crazy: In Search of a Narrative) and learn more about writing opportunities. Email me or share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!
The effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust for ever.
Isaiah 32: 17
Lyn