Shame
What does shame feel like for you?
Is it a dark cloud that follows you around?
Is it pain throbbing in every pore of your body?
Is it a crying baby in the echo of your soul?
Shame is the belief that we are intrinsically unworthy, defective, or bad. Usually, we learn to feel shame as small children because, often, we miss the mark our environment has set for us. If we’re lucky, we have good parents who counteract the message with positive reinforcement. If we’re unlucky, our parents compound the message of shame with reminders that we’re not good enough and never will be. We internalize the message of inadequacy, and it follows us into adulthood.
The Lie
While shame is a deeply engrained belief, it often manifests itself in our bodies. For those of us with fragmented selves, it may reside in a particular alter or part. Because it seems to be “in” us, it can feel like we “are” shame, as if shame is an intrinsic part of who we are. That’s a lie.
It’s okay to be imperfect. Everyone has flaws regardless of the false face they may wear in public. “On-the-journey-but-not-there-yet” is a part of being human. The world is full of people who make mistakes, are unsure of themselves, and are downright klutzy (emotionally or otherwise), just like us. We are not shameful even when we fail. In fact, failure is the way we learn, grow, and heal.
The Truth
The truth is that we are worthy just the way we are. By acknowledging our shame — by “unshaming” shame — we can dispel the cloud that follows us, ease the throbbing pain, and reassure the crying baby that s/he/they are lovable and loved just the way they are.
As we heal, we call out the lie that we are shameful and throw it in the dustbin. In its place, we embrace the truth that we are uniquely special with gifts, talents, strengths as well as wounds, flaws, weaknesses. Walking in the truth, we can own our authentic selves and learn to be better people without shame. All of us are exactly who we are meant to be – and that is good!
Self-Care
How does shame manifest in your body, mind, and spirit? Are you able to share your shame with someone you trust? Begin by sharing it with yourself — maybe by journaling, maybe in prayer, maybe expressing it through art, maybe just thinking about it.
Can you acknowledge your shame is a lie?
Now, name the truth. I (we) am good. I (we) am enough. I (we) am learning and growing and good enough, just the way I am.
Name your truth if it’s different from what I’ve written. Name it every day. Name it every time the shadow of shame creeps into your awareness. You are good! You are good enough!
July Social Hangout!
Don’t miss our July Social Hangout with JJ on Wednesday, July 20th, from 2-3 pm Eastern (1 pm Central, 12 pm Mountain, 11 am Pacific). Use your DW link to access the fun!
DW Subscriptions
DW subscriptions are always available by going to the DW website and clicking on the subscribe button. Subscriptions are $10 monthly, $100 annually, and scholarship by request, no questions asked. DW is for EVERYONE!
Memoir 101 Enrollments Closed
Our beginner Fall memoir class has reached maximum enrollment of eight participants so it is now closed. If you are interested in a memoir class, the 2023 Fall class will be open for enrollments in Winter 2023.
Bay View Michigan Chautauqua
I will be preaching and giving four lectures at Bay View Michigan Chautauqua on July 24-28, 2022. The theme for the week is Dissociative Identity Disorder, and the title of the sermon is “Remembering the Tough Stuff”. The lecture titles are: Dissociative What?, Pathways to Recovery, Is Forgiveness the Goal?, and Let It End Here. If you will be vacationing in the area, be sure to visit Bay View and say hello!
Blogging Break
To prepare for and present at Bay View, I’m taking a two-week blogging break from July 15th through the 29th. I’ll see you again on the website on July 31st and in your mailboxes on August 1st!
🕊
Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.
~ Brene Brown
Lyn