6 Tips That Turn Holiday Triggers into Time Well Spent
I was asked to write this article for people with a variety of mental and emotional challenges. I share it with you in the hopes that it will be meaningful for those of us with DID and other dissociative disorders as well. ~ Lyn
With the holiday season just around the corner, you might be tempted to think the world is one big fantasy land of happiness – animated people laughing with friends, crowds of folks eating scrumptious feasts, family members sharing tender gifts, lovers skating across a rink lit with sparkling lights. Madison Avenue might spend billions of dollars to convince us that everyone loves the holidays, but they would be wrong. The real story is much more nuanced. Behind the glitz are regular people like you and me who suffer from some form of mental illness that makes holiday festivities the most excruciating time of the year.
Holiday triggers are more common than you think. It’s easy to assume that every big smile is sitting on top of a happy heart, but that’s not always the case. Some of us genuinely enjoy the holidays, but some of us have learned how to play-act our way through the season, and some us are on the edge, ready to drop off in a moment’s notice. Here are five tips on how to get through the holidays in one piece and maybe even crack an authentic smile or two.
Holiday Mantra: From this day forward, claim your holiday mantra, “I am not alone.” This is true even if you are, literally, alone, even if you think you want to be alone, even if you are as lonely as all get-out. You are a part of a community of people who, for whatever reason, can’t wait for the holidays to be over. Whether you know others in this community or not, you are not alone.
It’s Your Choice: You don’t have to celebrate the holiday. You can shun the office party. You can demur on party invitations. You can turn off the holiday special on TV. Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy to bow out of holiday activities, but I am saying it’s your choice. You get to choose. You have the power to make your own decisions about how to spend your time.
Create Your Own Holiday: While we’re on the subject of power, you also have the power to create your own holiday. What do you enjoy doing? What would make you happy, or at least a little less unhappy? What places, people, music, activities make you feel safe? While other people are singing Christmas carols, you can do whatever pleases you. Whether you turn off the overhead lights and light a candle, or pick up the trash around your neighborhood, or take a jog through Central Park, if you’ve chosen it, it’s YOUR holiday.
Pick Your People: Holiday triggers often revolve around other people. Some people make you feel safe and some people make you feel vulnerable, some people affirm you and some people drag you down. Again, you ARE a powerful person. You get to choose who to spend your time with. Take it from me, pick the people who are life-affirming, not life-sucking. If the only person you know who values you is you, then celebrate yourself and spend your holiday alone! Remember your mantra: You are not alone.
Dream, Vision, Plan: Instead of celebrating the holidays, why not use the time to dream dreams, to create a new vision for your life, and to make plans that you can begin actualizing in the new year. Over the holidays is a great time to give your creative mind a boost. Everyone else is busy pretending to a have great time, so they’re not likely to interfere with your thought process (okay, maybe they’re not ALL pretending, but some are, take it from me). Let yourself go and know that you’re capable of new beginnings and you’re worth the effort!
Keep Your Appointments: Don’t forget the supports you always use, year-round, during the holidays. Keep your therapist and other medical provider appointments. Take your meds. If you go to a support group, keep going. Let your support people support you. Maybe you will find that you can support them too.
Holiday triggers don’t have to overwhelm you. The fact that holidays aren’t your cup of tea is nothing to be ashamed of. You are part of an invisible club that is taking back the holidays to turn them into time well spent for YOU. In the end, it’s all about boundaries. You can set them in such a way that the holidays are bearable and maybe even fun. Remember, you are not alone. What you do over the holidays is your choice. You can pick the people you want to spend time with, if any. You can create your own holiday suited to your needs and tastes. You can use holiday time to dream, vision, and plan. Last but not least, keep those appointments!
Let this holiday season be the best ever!
Self-Care
Use these six tips to ground yourself when and if the holidays trigger you. They’re handy tools to help anyone get through the season. Remember, always: take care of yourself first!
Invitation
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download my free ebook called DID Unpacked and receive a free weekly newsletter. My memoir, Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory will be released on January 3, 2022. PREORDERS are available NOW on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online. Check out our Tote Bag Special for the first 50 preorders! Our new Dissociative Writers website is filled with writing opportunities to explore.
What Do You Think?
Have you tried any of these tips to help you get through the holidays?
Which ones work and which ones don’t work for you?
What are YOUR tips to make the season sane?
Share your thoughts in the Comments below.
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When we focus on setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season,
we are giving ourselves a chance to realign with the true meaning of the season.
Author Unknown