This Is My Story. It’s True
The past two weeks have been difficult. I’m five weeks from the launch of Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory on January 3, 2022. I should be happy, excited, anticipating a smooth sail right into publication. Instead, I’m anxious, triggered, and hanging on by a thread.
Memoirs Affect People
Publishing a memoir affects people. Not only does it reveal the truth of the writer, inviting uncomfortable exposure, but it also reveals the writer’s truth about other people, upsetting the apple cart of relationships. This is where I am right now. Sailing into publication port amidst a personal storm, with apples scattered everywhere, all over the deck of my ship.
Not Everyone Is Happy
Not everyone who appears in my memoir is happy about it, and it’s invited trigger, upon trigger, upon trigger to wrack my integrated but vulnerable psyche with pain. To the best of my ability, I changed names and other identifying characteristics of persons who were mentioned, contacted them in advance in some cases, and made changes on request. Still, exposure is frightening and not everyone is ready for it. I’m left holding the ball, the “bad” guy, the one who wonders, “should I have done this?”
Yes, I should.
Building My Cognitive Structure
Late at night, in bed, my body in pain, I breathe in and out, slowly and deeply. I say my mantra over and over again: This is my story; it’s true. This is my story; it’s true. This is my story; it’s true. I carefully chose those words in order to build a cognitive structure in my brain that will hold me upright when the emotions are so overpowering that I want to crawl into a ball and disappear. Like a sturdy wooden frame that rises above and around me, these words help me stand tall even when I feel like a piece of dust on the floor. I say the words. I hold onto the imaginary structure. The more I breathe them in, the stronger the structure becomes. I won’t be whisked away by the fear, grief, and doom that follow me around. I will be an adult. I will tell my story. This is my story; it’s true.
Yes, I will.
Getting Ready for Publication
Over the holiday, I was gentle with myself. I let myself cry. I relied on friends, I stayed in touch with my therapist, and I let my husband love me. I reminded myself that all memoir writers – not just those with DID – contend with unrest among the characters of their books. Now, I’m ready to put my pieces back together and move forward with publication. My cognitive structure gets stronger by the day and holds me up in the storm. I have people to contact, articles to write, and promotion to set in motion. AND I have a launch party to plan and you’re invited! Bottom line, I have a story to tell. It’s uniquely different from yours but uncannily similar too. This is my story; it’s true.
Yes, I am.
Self-Care
The first person you tell your story to is you. You tell your story to your other selves, and they tell their stories to you. Our selves are our primary relationships, especially when it comes to story telling, and they are the ones who help us heal.
Hopefully, you also have a good therapist to tell your story to, a therapist who will believe you, a therapist who will welcome your alters, a therapist who will support you through relationships, triggers, and other attendant issues that come with chronic abuse and trauma. Your therapist will lead you through your inner maze of healing.
If you’re lucky, you may have friends with dissociative disorders who will listen to your story. These friends may be in a therapy group or a DID artist or writers group. Our Dissociative Writers workshops provide a place for participants to tell parts of their stories to people who listen at a deep level. This is an act of healing too.
Telling your story, at your own pace and in your own time and in your own way, is important. By telling your story, you are claiming who you are. Remember, this is your story; it’s true.
Invitation
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download my free ebook called DID Unpacked and receive a free weekly newsletter. My memoir, Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory will be released on January 3, 2022. PREORDERS are available NOW on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online. Check out our Tote Bag Special for the first 50 preorders! Our new Dissociative Writers website is filled with writing opportunities to explore.
What Do You Think?
To whom do you entrust your story?
Do your alters listen to you? Do you listen to them?
How else do you tell your story in a safe and healthy way?
Share your thoughts in the Comments below.
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You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8: 32