I’m Publishing a Book!
Happy New Year! The year 2022 holds new adventures for me as I will become a published author. Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory will be released on January 3, 2022 – probably the day you will be reading this blog post!
It’s been a long journey getting to this point, some of it hard work, some of it exhilarating, some of it devastating.
I Could Not …
I could not have written it twenty years ago when I was newly integrated.
I could not have written it thirty years ago when I was newly diagnosed.
I could not have written it forty years ago when I was decompensating.
I Needed …
I needed to heal both the symptoms of abuse (fear, anxiety, depression, lack of trust, relational issues, and suicidal ideation) and the symptoms of DID (multiple parts not communicating, depersonalization, derealization, coping with issues related to amnesia). Even after accomplishing most of this laundry list, I had to learn how to create a satisfying and fulfilling life I could maintain.
I took the twenty years post-integration “off” and lived as if I didn’t have DID. As an integrated multiple, that wasn’t so hard. I moved forward quickly to make the most of the time I had lost while immersed in the deep work of close to twenty parts. During this off-time, I almost forgot about my insiders because they were nestled peacefully in the folds of my brain matter, letting me take the lead. I never told anyone because – who knows what their reaction would have been.
Coming Out
The year 2022 also offers me the adventure of coming out of the closet with DID after a lifetime of hiding it. The time was right and I was ready. A Dissociative Writer and I were talking today about the internal “backlash” we feel when we reveal too much to the wrong people, or act too assertively, or take a risk, or set a boundary. (You know the drill: I’m going to get in trouble, I’m bad, I’m wrong, I’m so stupid, he/she will hurt me.) I couldn’t have written and published my memoir any sooner than right now because the backlash would have been unbearable. It took forty years to process my life of decompensation, reconstruction, and healing to gain the distance I needed in order to take the risk.
Risk
And a risk it is. I’ve gained so much from this process, but I’ve lost much too. A member of my family whom I dearly love is unhappy about my memoir and has imposed great distance between us. My heart grieves. It aches. I cry. Yet, it’s the risk we take when we dare to tell the truth. When we dare to expose family secrets. When we dare to finally be ourselves, hidden no more.
Thank You
I want to thank so many of you for supporting me on this journey in such a wide variety of ways. An old friend read early versions of the manuscript and was my cheerleader throughout the process. The Dissociative Writers groups have propped me up when I thought I would collapse. My editor became a close friend as she pushed me beyond my capabilities to tell a better story. Readers of this blog, like you, sent occasional notes to reassure me that you really were out there, reading what I wrote!
My Hope
My hope has always been that my memoir would help others with DID, their therapists, and support people. Perhaps it will also reach the general public and help destigmatize DID with accurate information. My story is not the ultimate story but one of many authentic stories that are starting to be told. You, my readers, are starting to tell your stories too.
You Can Help
You can help, now, by doing several things:
Come to our virtual Book Launch Party! on Wednesday, January 5, by clicking here to register.
Buy Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory. The Kindle version is on sale on Amazon until this Wednesday for $.99!
Read it and share it with a friend or therapist.
Write a review on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Goodreads online. Reviews are important to get the book out into the market.
Get together with a Book Club and suggest they read Crazy as one of their selections using the Book Discussion Questions at the end of the book.
Most of all, be yourself. Heal. Grow. Tell your story in safe places (therapists, writers workshops, close friends you trust). Someday you may write a memoir too!
Have a Happy New Year!
As you enter into 2022, make space for yourself to be happy, or peaceful, or driven, or brave, or whatever your system is calling you toward. Listen to your self/selves. Be your own guide. You are worth it!
🕊
There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway