On Being a Mother
Forty-five years ago, I welcomed my youngest child into the world the day before Mother’s Day. He was a home birth and my family sat with me on our double bed as I gave a gift to each of my other three children in celebration of the new birth. Back then, the world was good, or so it seemed.
So much has happened since then. The word mother, which used to define me, now is clouded with dark shadows and occasional piercing bits of pain. I love my children and my grandchildren with every fiber of my being, but it seems that love is not enough, that it’s never been enough. My own mother died twenty years ago. I know she loved me, but it wasn’t enough either. Forces beyond our control shaped us into the walking wounded, passing down our histories to our children. Generational trauma has taken its toll on our family.
It’s not all bad, though. In fact, some of it’s amazingly good. Children who made their way in spite tremendous challenge, who hit bottom and found their way up. Grandchildren who excel, and excel some more, and excel even more, who appear to be raising children without the baggage of wounds. Of course, I’m not naive and know that, even without the deepest wounds, life has the habit of tripping us up. The story is not over (is it ever?) and we don’t know where each player will end up in the scenes to come.
I like to think that resilience is the real gift I’ve given my family, so much more impactful than the trinkets I shared on that Mother’s Day long ago. Love, grounded not only in my mistakes and the mistakes foisted on me, but in self-knowledge, honesty, authenticity, integrity, charity, compassion, maybe just a little too much sensitivity, and hopefully a bit of wisdom. Yesterday, two of my four children, my husband, one of my five grandchildren, his mother and other grandmother, and I had a lovely Mother’s Day meal. We’ve made it. We’re family. We celebrate motherhood! I went home and texted Mother’s Day greeting to many friends and family who have acted as mothers to me and others over the years. I reflected that we can make our own families, when the ones we’ve been given don’t give us what we need.
To those of you who are imperfect mothers, who are not mothers at all but need a heavy dose of healthy mothering, who have love and wisdom to share but nowhere to give it away, I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day. Barring that, I hope you had a manageable Mother’s Day. Or, at the least, I’m glad you made it through Mother’s Day!
Healing from Toxic Shame
Dissociative Writer, Gabby Sacks, will be presenting Healing from Toxic Shame at the online Speakers Series of An Infinite Mind this Sunday, May 19th, from 4:00 to 5:30 pm Eastern time. Gab’s presentation brought down the house at Healing Together, so don’t miss it this time around. Click here to register for $10.
Heartbeat
The countdown’s begun! Dissociative Writers will be moving to Heartbeat Chat on June 1. New subscribers will go directly to the site on that date and beyond. If you’re already subscribed, you’ll receive an invitation to join on or around that date and you’ll have until June 30 to accept. We highly recommend you accept your invitation as soon as possible so you don’t forget or lose the email!
Fall Memoir Class 101 Signups
6-Week Class for Dissociative Writers
October 7, 14, 21 and November 4, 11, 18, 2024
3:00 – 5:00 pm ET
If you’ve been thinking about writing your memoir, this class is for you! This year, DW’s Beginners Memoir Class 101 will begin in October and run through November with a week break at the end of October, giving participants more time to work on memoir structure. Our classes are two hours long, once a week, for six weeks. The first hour is devoted to content and the second hour to sharing writing and feedback. We have a maximum class size of eight and a minimum class size of four; each participant will get to share their writing twice during the course of the class. For more information, go to the Dissociative Writers webpage and scroll to mid-page, or email Lyn with question.
May Events
(To access these workshops and meetings, please go to the Groupeasy Calendar, click on the Event/Date, then click on the Zoom link.)
Monday, May 13, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Monday, May 13, 6:30 pm Eastern: Business Meeting (All are welcome!)
Tuesday, May 14, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, May 15, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
Monday, May 20, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, May 21, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, May 27, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, May 28, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, May 29, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
LOOK FOR YOU INVITATION TO JOIN HEARBEAT ON OR AROUND THIS DATE!!!
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I pray my kid never experiences hurts like I have.
~ Author Unknown
Lyn