Hanging On
Lately I’ve heard a lot of our folks say they’re just “hanging on,” managing to survive, but barely. Getting through a day may be difficult, specific alters may need attention, diffuse pain may overwhelm, and amnesia may disorient. Our “insiders” may define our emotional states but our “outsiders” — the people or situations outside our own bodies — impact us, as well, with family issues, work or lack of work, money problems, and more. Recently I heard someone say, “I’m tired of living.”
It Just Keeps Coming
Early in my diagnosis, I was a teacher who couldn’t wait for summer to come. During the hectic school year when deep inner work interfered with my professional duties, I dreamed of weeks of downtime. I imagined relaxation and breathing room. Instead, each summer opened up space for my parts to claim the time they had been denied during the busy teaching year. They say that “nature abhors a vacuum” and my parts were happy to fill the summer void. More often than not, I ended the summer more strung out than when I began.
Indescribable
It’s hard to describe the existential angst that consumes us. Words, as powerful as they may be, don’t always convey the blur of fear, doom, and chaos that keep us one step from normalcy, one breath from calm, one arm’s stretch from the rope that will pull us back onto solid ground.
What Helps
Still, words help. Art helps. Music helps. Community helps. Discovering we’re not alone helps. Knowing we’re all in this together is the tie that binds us to health, to taking two steps forward even though we slip one back, to cherishing that one step we’ve ultimately gained, to believing there’s an end in sight even though we don’t believe it in the moment. It’s a little bit like DID, isn’t it? We believe ourselves while not believing ourselves. Yet both are true. We have DID and we will get better, our chaos will diminish, our fear will turn to wisdom, and our systems will rise in strength.
Cleaning Up the Mess
If you’re barely hanging on, remember, it’s not such a terrible place to be. You’ve survived the worst and now you’re cleaning up the mess that was not of your making. You’re shaping meaning out of the rubble. You’re sculpting something beautiful out of pain.You’ve created many out of one and now you’re creating one out of many. All of this is hard work. Good work. Great work. How brave and beautiful you are!
You Can Do It!
Today, I still have periods of “hanging on” but, mostly, my parts and memories are unified in helping me get through the day one moment at a time. I’m fortunate to have history behind me that assures me I’ll make it, I can do it, this too shall pass, and life will be good again.
Let me shine that light for you so you can hold on, take that step, reach for that rope, pull yourself forward, and find yourself on solid ground. I know you can do it (even if you think you don’t want to)! Yes, you can!
Sustaining Dissociative Writers
The core team at Dissociative Writers has been exploring and taking steps to sustain DW into the future. Although Lyn is the founder and current leader, DW has talent and commitment beyond one person. As time goes on, our growing group will continue to meet for writers workshops, community, support, and more.
One step we’ve already taken is establishing a subscription membership that allows us to receive operating funds from those who are able to give. Thank you to all our subscribers, paying and scholarship!
Another step we’ve taken is moving our messaging, calendar, and writing uploads to GroupEasy which really is an easy way to maintain our communication!
Now we are considering incorporating as a nonprofit. We already have a secretary, treasurer, and volunteer admin. Thank you Gabby, Debby, and Sharon! We already have a mission statement and purpose. We already have more than 60 subscribers with 12 to 20 people attending any one workshop weekly. So we are looking at the pros and cons of taking this next step.
If you have thoughts on the direction of DW, we want to hear them. You can email Lyn or anyone on our core team with your ideas. Or you can attend our next DW meeting on April 10th. We want DW to continue long into the future and we want you to be a part of us!
Memoir by Nives Palmic / Art Majeur
Beginners Memoir Class
It’s time to start thinking about your memoir. Our 2023 6-Week Memoir Class for People with Dissociative Disorders will be held on September 11, 18, 25 and October 2, 9, and 16, from 3:00 – 5:00 pm Eastern Time. You can learn more about the class and register by clicking here and scrolling to the bottom of the page. The class will have a syllabus and suggested readings and exercises. A minimum of four students / maximum of eight allows for each participant to share their writing for feedback two times over the six-week period. Each participant is encouraged to talk with their therapist prior to registering to make sure they are ready to tackle the hard but fulfilling work of writing memoir. We invite you to explore whether or not this is the time to begin writing your story in earnest. DW subscribers receive a 50% discount on the cost of the class.
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Sometimes the only way to get a grip is by learning to let go.”
~ Curtis Tyrone Jones
Lyn