A Personal Healing Liturgy*
For some of us, rituals broke us and bound us securely to a power I will call evil, although others might call it mental illness, narcissism, personality disorder or some other psychological term. The rituals of these evil and clandestine people — not to be confused with the life-giving liturgies some of us openly embrace — convey authority that seems impenetrable. We are at their mercy, or at least we may experience it that way.
Rituals for Good
Rhoda and me (and some of my stuffed animal alters).
Sometimes, a ritual for “good” is the only way to break through the scaly, frightening, outer layer of the trauma we experienced, in part, through “bad” rituals. Sometimes, a ritual for good can fight back against authority that should no longer hold us in bondage. Sometimes, a ritual for good is the pin that lets the air out of the perceived power of evil. Sometimes, we fight fire with fire. Only “good” can replace “bad” and send it hither and yon beyond our new and magnificent boundaries. Whether our own experience of evil is embodied in an institution, a neighborhood, a school, a family, a parent, or some other collection of perversion, some of us find our chains break apart when we call upon a ritual for good that leaves us free, liberated, and on the road to healing.
A ritual for good is also called a personal liturgy for healing.
My Personal Healing Liturgy
Last week, I was on leave from Dissociative Writers to spend time with an old friend named Rhoda who, coincidentally, has a gift for leading personal liturgies for healing. Besides catching up and enjoying each others’ company, we planned a personal liturgy for healing for me and my alters. Unlike the rituals you and I may have been bound to in the past, this was something I had complete control over. I talked and Rhoda listened; together we came up with the liturgy that was just right for all of me.
Identifying the Purpose
Although I’ve lived an integrated life for the last twenty years, the publication of my memoir and one beloved family member’s response broke apart some of my system and revealed several new alters who needed attention. No Name who lived in a tunnel for all these years needed a new name and a beautiful garden to live in (no more time in the tunnel!), Devil definitely wanted a new moniker and thought the garden sounded wonderful, and Linda Belinda (a colicky infant) and Little Linda (a terrified three year old) needed a warm welcome and lots of TLC. (Of course, it’s all a bit more complicated than that, but that’s the gist of it 🙂.)
Wings for Angel (sewn by Rhoda)
So on October 29th, 2022, we held a Liturgy of Welcoming & Renaming. In the months leading up to that date, my husband and I tackled our backyard that looked like a moon landing and hired a landscaper to install a beautiful southwestern garden. No Name and Devil had to be very patient to wait until the garden was finished; in the meantime, they wrote a song that was included in the liturgy as an “anthem.”
When the liturgy began, Rhoda welcomed my new alters and any who haven’t yet made themselves known. She renamed No Name as Sparrow and Devil as Angel, names they chose themselves. Linda Belinda and Little Linda were VIP guests, Snake and Mike looked on and, who knows, maybe lots of others were there too. Of course, Rhoda was the liturgist and my husband, Ron, was in attendance, lending support and love. Rhoda spoke, Ron spoke, and I spoke, all in support of my system who will continue to work on healing but are much further along that path because of the liturgy.
We closed with communion and Rhoda reminded all my parts they they were welcome at communion too (which was very important to them). My stuffed animals that represent my alters were a part of the liturgy (which was really more like a party), and Rhoda even tenderly sewed wings on Devil who became Angel. Then we danced to music chosen by my husband to cap it all off (we were happy, after all!).
I’m Going to Live in the Garden
Here is the anthem written and sung by Sparrow (formerly No Name) and Angel (formerly Devel):
We’re going to live in the garden.
With flowers, and birdies, and bees.
We’ll never go back to the tunnel again,
Instead, we are happy and free.
Our southwestern garden (okay, I know it’s not like an English country garden but there’s beauty in the desert, too!). It was just planted so it WILL get bigger and more lush!
We’re happy! We’re happy!
Let’s dance like a riggity jig.
We’re safe and secure in the garden.
Together, we’re growing up big.
Music & Lyrics of original song “Move Over” by Malivina Reynolds
Adapted by Lyn Barrett in honor of the renaming and release of some of her Littles. 2022
Anyone Can Do This
It’s not necessary to be a “believer” of any particular religion to create a personal liturgy of healing. What is needed is faith in yourself (even if you are hurting and in pain), faith in your future (even if you don’t know what your future holds), the contour of what needs healing in this particular moment (this is where a trustworthy friend can help you discern what needs healing), and a sense of purpose to heal that wound.
Because Rhoda and I are both Christians, we called on Jesus to be with us in our liturgy but Jews may call on God, Muslims on Allah, 12-Steppers on their Higher Power, and others on whatever sense of goodness is meaningful to them.
The Light Always Wins
Evil is sinister and destructive and literally destroys lives. Minimizing evil is naive and often enables the evil to continue. Yet history bears me out that evil can be defeated by goodness, darkness can be penetrated by the light of dawn, and hate dissolves like the Wicked Witch of the West (in the Wizard of Oz) by love. It takes time, hard work, courage, and perseverance to break the chains of evil, but we can do it. In the midst of our pain and suffering, we call upon good rituals to defeat the power of bad rituals.
Self Care
Although it’s helpful to plan a personal liturgy of healing with a therapist or trusted friend, it’s possible to begin imagining what specific healing you need, right now, in this very moment, all by yourself. What lie have you been told that needs to be cast out and replaced by the truth? What chain binds you to a past event that needs to be broken? What gratitude is aching to spring forth from a nadir of negativity?
You form the question (mine are just examples), then imagine what you need to answer it in a good, life-giving, way. That’s the kernel of your personal healing liturgy. In this special time that’s created just for you, let your trusted friend, your therapist, or you/yourself give it to you — even if only in your imagination! Because that’s where healing begins — in our imaginations — and then spreads out into our bodies, our beliefs, our actions, and our lives.
Give yourself a personal healing liturgy because you deserve it!
* Personal Liturgies for Healing
The concept and practice of personal liturgies for healing come from Gestalt Pastoral Care (GPC). You can find their website by clicking here.
Holiday Schedule
Our schedule will change slightly over the Thanksgiving and Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza holidays. There will be NO workshop the week of Thanksgiving on November 22. There will be NO workshop the week after Christmas on December 27. There WILL be a Social Hangout on Wednesday, November 16 AND on Tuesday, December 20 (this will replace a traditional workshop). For the next two months, traditional workshops will be held on November 8 and December 6. Writing-in-place will be held on November 1, 15, 29 and December 13. If you’re confused, don’t feel bad! Just check the calendar on Groupeasy!
DW Meeting Next Monday
You are invited to the DW Business Meeting next Monday, November 14th at 6:30 pm Eastern (5:30 Central, 4:30 Mountain, 3:30 Pacific). We talk about the directions DW is taking in writers workshops and other endeavors. YOU can help shape DW by attending the business meeting. Look for the agenda, minutes, and treasurer’s report in the documents on Groupeasy. See you there!
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Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
The Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lyn