Change
I learned a long time ago that change is about the only thing we can count on in life. Investing in our own inner resources brings a better ROI (return on investment) than hoping, assuming, or planning for things to remain the same. Surprises – both good and bad – crop up when we least expect them. How we use our hard-won strengths to ride the change-train is the best predictor of our success, our happiness, and/or our peace of mind (maybe not all at the same time but, eventually, we’ll get to all three!).
Roller Coaster Ride
The furniture arrived and we now have a bedroom! I’m unpacking my new garage, facing the change my cross-country move initiated. It’s not all bad! (I’m still standing, lol!)
This year has been a roller coaster ride. Some of my plans have come to fruition like publishing my book, building a wonderful group of supporters who are writers in their own right, and speaking in person and in podcasts. But relocating across country – never! Last April I couldn’t have imagined I’d be living in the high desert of southern New Mexico. Yet here I am in Las Cruces, unpacking boxes, meeting new neighbors, using a GPS to get around town, and spending time with my sons and family.
Grief
Those of us with dissociative disorders often cope with our fair share of change. Because of our histories, we may work hard in recovery to change life circumstances that are not healthy. This can be a very good thing, yet no matter how positive a change may seem, it almost always comes with grief. Grief for what we left behind. Grief for what could have been. Grief for our role in the change. Grief for our lack of role in the change. Change upsets our equilibrium and almost always results in grief.
Triggers
The funny thing about grief is that, while it’s a perfectly normal response to change, it often triggers people like us. We may have internal voices that tell us change is our fault. We may have parts that are sure we can’t manage the transition. We may carry diffuse shame into new situations, not because we’re shameful but because the very newness casts a light on our endemic shame. (“It must be my deficiency that caused this change, which is everywhere, all around me, and I can’t escape it.” Or, “I made a bad choice. What made me think this change would be good?”)
Resiliency
It’s sad irony that people who spent their childhoods changing personas to survive may have a particular aversion to change in adulthood. Nothing is ever easy for those of us who are trauma-bound, and what might be small inconveniences for others may feel life-threatening to us. Yet our trauma prepared us to navigate our grief, shame, and triggers because that’s what we do and who we are. We may not like change. Change may bring up all sorts of fears and memories. But we are resilient, and we will manage change with the best of them.
And the Beat Goes On
I can’t imagine two more different places to set up housekeeping. From the Adirondack mountains and lakes to the high desert with prickly cacti and fifty shades of brown! Together, my husband and I sold two properties, bought one, packed up a lifetime of memories and traveled over a thousand miles to make a new home for ourselves – all in less than three months. As I balance grief for leaving what I loved behind, and excitement for the new possibilities before us, I know that my inner resources honed over decades of deep work are what help me manage the change. My integrated parts each bring their strengths and talents to my table spread with adjustment, grief, excitement, fear, anticipation and, ultimately, change.
Self-Care
Maybe you have difficulty with change. Or maybe you love change. Write about change in your journal. How does change make you feel? Is there a difference between planned change and unexpected change? What fears do you experience when change is imminent? What resources do you draw on to manage the change? Do you take time to grieve?
Know that you have the strength to navigate the triggers, fear, and doom that may accompany change in your life. You survived far worse through the resourcefulness of your parts who helped you survive. Now, through their gifts, you will come through any new change, not to survive, but to thrive.
Remember that we are the “lemonade people.” We are experts at turning lemons into something sweet. What begins as a hard climb may end up on a mountaintop (or maybe a desert with flowering cacti) overlooking a beautiful new future.
Thanks
I want to send a special thanks to Bonnie, who picked up my workshop while I was moving. Yaay Bonnie! I couldn’t have managed the move without you.
I also want to thank Sharri for leading the new prompt-driven workshop. It’s a sign of our vibrancy that our workshops are growing.
Also thanks to Sharri, Phoenix, and JJ& who led a book discussion on Crazy last month. What a great crew!
And so many more of you who are working behind the scenes as well as writing your hearts out. I’ll see you soon!
Dissociative Writers
Dissociative Writers are continuing to hone our writing skills in our writers workshops. We’ve added a new prompt-driven workshop that enables people to attend a workshop once a week. We’ve published Creative Healing: An Anthology of Poems, Prose, and Art, downloadable for free in the Dissociative Writers website. We occasionally submit guest blog posts so our community can experience the writing of others. We are looking toward another anthology in the future. We are planning for a memoir class beginning September 2022. We are exploring ways to sustain writers workshop for the future, possibly through a subscription service. Crazy continues to be for sale, so buy your copy now if you haven’t already done so.
Be Well, Love Yourself, and Heal ❤️
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“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~ Mahatma Ghandi