Gardening & DID
Everybody has different interests, pastimes, and preferences. You might like scrapbooking, they might like bowling, and I might like gardening.
My xeriscaped back yard.
I’m far from a master gardener. I just like being outdoors, getting my hands dirty, and watching my little babies grow. If you ask me about this flower or that shrub, I may or may not have the answer. In some ways, I just throw everything up against the metaphorical wall and see what takes. That was pretty easy back east where the soil is fertile and the rain plentiful. Here in the desert southwest, it’s a whole new ball game. Beating hot sun, limited water, and whole new species I’ve never tangled with before have provided a healthy challenge for me.
When we arrived here last March, our backyard was xeriscaped. Under optimal conditions, that means an abundance of natural plantings that don’t need irrigation. In our yard, however, xeriscape meant outdoor yard space that looked like the moon landing. From one end to the other, two inch stones covered the clay soil and NOTHING else.
My need for outdoor garden space became apparent thirty years ago. Newly divorced, I lived in two different apartments, both first floor, both with yards I could play in. Decompensation and living on the edge was hard but I always found time to plant a few petunias or impatiens no matter what else was going on. As I stabilized emotionally and financially, I lived in houses with yards that gave lots of opportunities to become a gardener.
My desert garden, transformed!
Fast forward thirty years and my heart cried when I looked at my barren landscape. I was already grieving what I’d left behind and coping with the unraveling of my system after publishing my memoir, Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory. What I didn’t know was that my alters needed a playground. Everyone inside was kicking me for uprooting them and leaving our lush, green, east coast outdoor happiness.
No Name was the alter who was most upset. He’d been locked in a closet when I was very young and never found a way out, even though I had found a way out. Over time, the closet turned into a tunnel that was his home for decades. (I thought he’d integrated because I hadn’t heard from him in such a long time but he’d been curled up in a ball instead.) While many of my other parts were familiar with the outdoors and loved to hike, walk, and garden, No Name hadn’t had those experiences. Once he discovered fresh air, breezes, sun, rain, and birds, he decided he’d had enough of that tunnel. His goal, thus my goal, was to be free.
Our playhouse!
Sadly, a xeriscaped backyard was not a good place to play. So last fall, my husband and I got busy and turned the moon landing into a desert garden! No Name waited patiently knowing his special place was in progress. Once it was ready, all of us held a healing liturgy (click here) where my alter with no name chose a new name, Sparrow. Today, Sparrow and all of us revel in our new outdoor wonderland complete with a toy kitchen my little grandson plays in! All of me continues to love being outdoors!
Back to gardening. I think there’s something about creating a life-giving habitat that nourishes all of me. As I give life to my parts who saved my life, we become more whole, more unified, more in sync with who we are in the grand scheme of things. My red bird of paradise died over the cool winter, but that’s okay. We can always try again. And our ice plants, lantanas, desert willow, and palo verde are looking absolutely wonderful! Oh, and my husband and I created a raised bed for strawberries with a nice screen that protects from the hot desert sun.
We are adapting and everybody’s happy ❤️!
What Is Life-Giving for You?
You may like scrapbooking, they may like bowling, and I may like gardening. What is life-giving for you? Write about it and share your story with me or someone else you trust. Your alters have more to tell than their trauma. Give them an outlet. Pick up your pen and write!
Our ice plants!
Correction
Last week in Belief & DID I wrote that all multiples struggle with believing the stories of their trauma. In my experience, that has been true. However, one of our Dissociative Writers corrected me and shared that she’s never had difficulty believing what happened to her. She reminded me that dissociation manifests itself differently in each individual so I was overstepping by speaking for everyone. Many apologies!
Have You Noticed?
Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory has moved from 49 ratings last week to 54 reviews this week! Thank you to Lorraine who pushed me over the mark and to Ari who took me beyond the mark. Then there’re three more people who’ve rated my memoir who didn’t let me know! Thank you to all of you have supported me through this journey and who have taken the time to rate Crazy!
Dissociative Writers Meeting Tonight!
Our next Dissociative Writers (DW) meeting will be tonight, Monday, May 8, 6:30 pm Eastern. Our agenda is packed with items such as becoming a non-profit, starting an evening “writing-in-place lite” for people who have worked all day, updates on our current workshops, and more. Just use the usual DW link you can find on GroupEasy. You’ll find the agenda, minutes, and financial report under Documents. Everyone is invited! See you there!
Don’t Wait! Sign Up Now!
Our 2023 6-Week Memoir Class for People with Dissociative Disorders will be held on September 11, 18, 25 and October 2, 9, and 16, from 3:00 – 5:00 pm Eastern Time. YOU can be in it! Learn more and register by clicking here and scrolling to the bottom of the page. The class will have a syllabus and suggested readings and exercises. A minimum of four students / maximum of eight allows for each participant to share their writing for feedback two times over the six-week period. Each participant is encouraged to talk with their therapist prior to registering to make sure they are ready to tackle the hard but fulfilling work of writing memoir. We invite you to explore whether or not this is the time to begin writing your story in earnest. DW subscribers receive a 50% discount on the cost of the class.
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You can’t change your world without getting your hands dirty.
Lyn