Belief & DID
Some of you may have watched a TV show in its second season called Ted Lasso. Ted is the American soccer (football) coach who relocates to England to coach a mediocre team. The players have low self-esteem, bumble on the playing field, and often work against each other.
Believe!
In the first season, Ted slaps a sign on the locker room door that says, “Believe!” Instead of ruthless coaching strategies, Ted teaches his players to believe in themselves, believe in the team, believe in whatever higher power they choose.
Well into the second season now, the team is not much closer to winning games, but they have definitely become a team that cares about each other. They may lose competitions, but they lose them together. They may bumble, but they bumble together. They’re moving a little closer to coordination and occasionally score points.. One hopes that someday in the future, Richmond Soccer will win the title!
Belief & DID
Belief and DID is a funny thing. When talking about the diagnosis, people with DID, therapists, researchers, and the general public all talk about “belief rather than evidence.
I believe what happened, well, maybe I don’t. It couldn’t have happened. I’m making it up.
We don’t believe DID is an authentic diagnosis. These people have wild imaginations and seek attention to divert themselves from their other problems.
My therapist believes me more than I believe me. I know it’s true but sometimes I don’t.
An Article of Faith
As a retired pastor who wades in the waters of belief, I find it curious that DID, for many people, has become an article of faith, or not. Too many professional people ignore the decades of evidence gleaned from research into how the body/mind responds to trauma, especially in children. I’m all for divine intervention, but these research results are evidence based. We don’t have to trust our higher power (not that that’s not a good idea in other circumstances) because we have data, descriptions, correlations, and evidence to show that one of the the body/mind’s natural responses to trauma is to separate the body from the mind temporarily in order to mediate the impact. When that trauma is chronic and ongoing, the separations become ingrained and last for longer periods of time. We call that a dissociative disorder, even though it’s more of a coping strategy. Derealization, depersonalization, OSDD, DID.
Be my guest and call this belief. I call it science.
Believing It Happened
I recently I finished reading a memoir, headed for publication, written by a Dissociative Writer. Sometime in the future, I hope I’ll be able to devote a blog post to her powerful book. Raw and real, she pulls away the curtain and invites us as readers to experience (albeit at a distance) the uncovering of her system, her poignant body memories, and her slow trudge toward cooperation between parts. In an email, she confessed that, even now, she wasn’t sure she “believed” herself.
I have a confession to make. I’ve published my memoir and I still don’t always believe myself. I’ve decided to “fake it till I make it” so I just keep moving forward, believing what I don’t believe because the evidence tells me it’s true. Aside from multiple parts and amnesia, the one thing that binds all people with DID together is our disbelief. Our memories are fragmented (a trauma symptom), disjointed (another trauma symptom), and fuzzy (oh, well, that’s THE definition of dissociation, isn’t it?!)
Trading Belief for Evidence
So come and join me in the church of disbelief, or maybe the temple of too-bad-to-be-true, or whatever form the worship of your belief or disbelief takes. In the meantime, highly trained scientists and researchers are gathering more and more evidence that should, someday, lay the whole question of belief to rest.
Becoming Real
Back to Ted Lasso.
It’s just occured to me that Richmond Football is a metaphor for our systems who often have low self-esteems, bumble all over the place, and work against each other. Ted’s focus on believing in themselves in an atmosphere of love is just what the doctor orders for our parts (alters, insiders, persons, you name it). Like Ted and his team, we may never win the gold medal, but we will learn to love each other and work collaboratively for the good of our systems as we live into the full and authentic people we were meant to be.
In other words, we will be real 🥰.
Enter the Rating Contest!
Last year when I first published Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory, I told you I wanted to hit 50 Amazon reviews in the first year. Fifty is the magic number at Amazon where their algorithms promote the book once that goal has been reached. We’re a few months over a year and —- guess what — my 47 reviews just bumped up to 49! Only one more review to go!
One clarification. Amazon has both reviews and ratings. You can write a review but it’s really the rating that moves the algorithm! I need one more rating, which is just clicking on a 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 star.
If you have read the book but have not left a review or rating, please rate Crazy and let me know! The next person who pushes me to 50 will be honored by me and Dissociative Writers! Oh, let’s make this more expansive! Anyone who pushes me beyond 50 will be honored! Wouldn’t it be cool to have five or more new ratings? Maybe you’ll even get a surprise gift 😃.
Remember, rate Crazy on Amazon in the next two weeks and send me an email telling me you did! Become a winner!
Beginners Memoir Class 101
It’s time to start thinking about your memoir. Our 2023 6-Week Memoir Class for People with Dissociative Disorders will be held on September 11, 18, 25 and October 2, 9, and 16, from 3:00 – 5:00 pm Eastern Time. You can learn more about the class and register by clicking here and scrolling to the bottom of the page. The class will have a syllabus and suggested readings and exercises. A minimum of four students / maximum of eight allows for each participant to share their writing for feedback two times over the six-week period. Each participant is encouraged to talk with their therapist prior to registering to make sure they are ready to tackle the hard but fulfilling work of writing memoir. We invite you to explore whether or not this is the time to begin writing your story in earnest. DW subscribers receive a 50% discount on the cost of the class.
Dissociative Writers Meeting
Our next Dissociative Writers (DW) meeting will be Monday, May 8, 6:30 pm Eastern. This month, our agenda is packed with items such as becoming a non-profit, starting an evening “writing-in-place lite” for people who have worked all day, updates on our current workshops, and more. Just use the usual DW link you can find on GroupEasy. You’ll find the agenda, minutes, and financial report under Documents. Everyone is invited! See you there!
🕊️
When they judge you, yawn.
When they misunderstand you, smile.
When they underestimate you, laugh.
When they condemn you, ignore.
When they envy you, rejoice.
When they oppose you, prevail.
~ Matshona Dhliwayo